I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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