This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I hate all girls vehemently.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
