Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
