Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
