The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cannot find my penis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
