That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
