at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
