It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
