I puked a lego.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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