some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
