I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
