Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
