I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
