New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
