Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
