I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
