from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
