he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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