Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
