if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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