he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So squirting runs in the family.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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