Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
