Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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