Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
