I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
