How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
