Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
