Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
