I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
