I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
