Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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