and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
