I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
