i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
