So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
