It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
