Who wears a wallet chain?!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
