I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
