She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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