btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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