can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
