how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
