Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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