you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
