Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
