So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
