So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
