i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
