His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
