i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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