why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
