so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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